After months of more using and abusing, adding alcohol into the mix and getting vulgar, profane and violent, stopping going to church, avoiding sex, your family, stealing checks from the checkbook and cleaning out the company accounts - not coming home every weekend . . . it was time.
One of the saddest things I've ever experienced, sitting in a courtroom waiting for a judge to decide what to do with our life. And a one year TPO was granted. Visitation on Saturdays for our son. (He doesn't want to go.)
Child support to pay. No contact of any kind. My heart is full of things I wish I could say to you, but unfortunately I've said them all and they fell to the ground.
I can't believe you would choose drugs, alcohol, porn and self-centeredness over your 3 beautiful children.
They are doing well - D. cooked a great spinach quiche and almond biscotti, J. installed the dishwasher and P. stayed up with me late watching a movie.
My friends all called to make sure I was ok. And my sponsor stayed with me in the courtroom and even took the stand. I didn't expect that to happen.
All I want is for you to get clean and to live and be happy. If it can't be with us. then so be it. But I will never be happy about today. Unless it starts a change that leads you back to me.
I dreamed this morning that you slipped into bed and wanted to just sleep for a bit, and I was so comforted, but worried - don't we have a TPO? What will this do to the order? We can't keep doing this.
Maybe I'll see you in my dreams tonight. Hopefully you won't be cross-examining me.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
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