Happy Thanksgiving - No you can't come home

To You,

I was surprised when you called, and it threw me off for a minute, wasn't aware it was you at first then it clicked.
 I had wondered if you would be able to call today somehow.  So it was good to talk to you but it sounded like NOTHING'S CHANGED.

It's like slapping a puppy to have to say no, you can't come home yet. No, I'm not dropping the tpo. No, I'm not ready because you're not ready. 

I'm sorry for you that your children won't speak to you.  We had a nice day, a great dinner, and beautiful weather.  I hope you called your mom, she deserves better.

When I re-read some of this it is just so much sadder . . . every day I wonder how I'll go on without you and if you'll ever come home, and if I can make it, and how awful it would be if you didn't.

Maybe you'll be able to call at Christmas.

Please, please get it.

Love, Me

Sry I forgot

To You,
I know we talked about thinking about each other but can't remember, was it at 9 p.m.? I think I forgot that. Have to put a reminder in my phone. I do feel like you are thinking about me at times, Mondays seem like they have been bad for you, before the day gets cranked up, and sometimes I feel your sadness.

That was always an interesting thing about our relationship, that we can sense each other's thoughts and feelings even at great distance.  Now when I'm having a bad day emotionally, I figure it's coming from you and I'm able to shake it off, because there is nothing I can do about it.  Hope you have a good day.
love,
Me

Memories of you

I was driving tonight and remembered -- I think -- times when I would be able to just walk up to you, slip my arms around you under your jean jacket and be pressed against you. We would just stand there holding each other. I could do that any time . . . I think. It has been so long I'm almost not sure that really happened, or if it's just a daydream. 

If I had never known the rush of being in love with you, seeing you and feeling so happy that you love me, maybe I wouldn't be so sad now.  If I had never married, never fallen in love and been loved, maybe it wouldn't hurt so much. But I think I would still know I was missing out on the real joy of life. 

Not at all sure that this pain will ever end on this side of the dirt.  And you just want me to send money, for cigars, and stamps, nuts, candy, envelopes.  Yeah, we're all fine here.