You sounded happier

I know I'm not supposed to call you but it's like a craving. You're my drug.  I just want to talk to you every morning when I wake up and when I go for a walk and when I'm alone and when I'm with a bunch of people, and at night and when I'm at church or CR or anywhere else inbetween.

You sounded happy to talk to me and I was just unable to hardly speak.  There is so much I want to say and that I'm writing down because I can't talk to you.  Then when you're on the phone, I say nothing. Or I come across angry or unable to say what I feel.

But it was nice to hear you sound happier. Not sure if it's because I called or something else was just going well with your day.  I asked you just to get your act together and you said you were.


But you're still not taking care of your responsibilities.  I'll have to pay your traffic ticket because my name's on it. I don't think you will. Deadline passed, I sure don't want to go to jail for your ticket.  I'm already there in some ways - a prison of regrets and disappointment and loss. 

It would be so much clearer if you were dead or we were divorced. This is a better scenario, I know, and I have hope that we can be restored and have way better years ahead -- IF.  If you stop using. If you become honest and stop stealing and lying.  Ok, I'm going to choose to be a prisoner of hope . . .